ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Date,
I accepted because I wanted
to have fun and feel normal
Not because I was interested
The times were good
but I worry that
I broke his heart
Kiss,
driven by a need to
satisfy a curiosity
and
prove something about myself
few seemed to believe
I do not regret the sensation,
but the lack of real emotion.
Love,
He was perma-stoned
and I was perma-alone.
After exchanging those words
I'm not sure who ran away.
I do not regret him,
but missing the chance of him.
Time,
I'll skip the saucy details
It could have been worse
It could have been better
I regret the reasoning
I was driven by loneliness
and needing to prove something
Significant Other,
He does everything right
I couldn't ask for better
But I already know how this ends
and it'll be by my hand
I accepted because I wanted
to have fun and feel normal
Not because I was interested
The times were good
but I worry that
I broke his heart
Kiss,
driven by a need to
satisfy a curiosity
and
prove something about myself
few seemed to believe
I do not regret the sensation,
but the lack of real emotion.
Love,
He was perma-stoned
and I was perma-alone.
After exchanging those words
I'm not sure who ran away.
I do not regret him,
but missing the chance of him.
Time,
I'll skip the saucy details
It could have been worse
It could have been better
I regret the reasoning
I was driven by loneliness
and needing to prove something
Significant Other,
He does everything right
I couldn't ask for better
But I already know how this ends
and it'll be by my hand
this has been sitting in my work in progress section for months, finally figured out what it was missing and that was the last stanza. any input on how to improve it?
Comments3
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
I do not regret the sensation,
but the lack of real emotion.
good line. I liked that stanza the most.
for Kiss and Time the narrator is trying to prove something. is this an intentional repetition?
general suggestion on how to improve: be more specific. try to take each vague description and provide a specific example for each. "fun" and "feel normal" are vague - fun as in riding a roller coaster? doing something you maybe aren't supposed to? watching a movie? or you could describe what having fun feels like - escaping from insecurities, responsibilities - laughing - easing tensions and releasing headaches etc. each of these stanza sounds like there is more to be said; there are stories that have yet to unfold.
just something to consider.
but the lack of real emotion.
good line. I liked that stanza the most.
for Kiss and Time the narrator is trying to prove something. is this an intentional repetition?
general suggestion on how to improve: be more specific. try to take each vague description and provide a specific example for each. "fun" and "feel normal" are vague - fun as in riding a roller coaster? doing something you maybe aren't supposed to? watching a movie? or you could describe what having fun feels like - escaping from insecurities, responsibilities - laughing - easing tensions and releasing headaches etc. each of these stanza sounds like there is more to be said; there are stories that have yet to unfold.
just something to consider.